I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The uberlube is also flammable
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
