I just threw up on my dentist
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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