Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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