he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
