Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
