Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
