the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
