life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
smell my finger.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
