So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
