I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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