This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
