I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
