Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
