I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
