So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
