the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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