So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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