Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
