I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
