its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
