Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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