I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
