I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
