Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
