Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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