Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
