he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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