i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
