I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You took a bar mat shot.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
