I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
