I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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