If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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