Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
