How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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