my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
