Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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