Slut skills are useful in every country.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
