He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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