im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
