We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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