until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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