found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So vagazzling was a success
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
