Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
