the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
