i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this is an emotional support booty call
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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