Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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