She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
