Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
