the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
