You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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