why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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