that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
