There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
